Weeds changed my life today

The other day I watched a recent episode of Weeds and this is where I take my current lesson. In this episode Nancy made another stupid decision. Her head in her hands she wondered why did everything happen to her? Andy looks up at her and says “You’ve got to know it’s you right?” Nancy does a lot of stupid things and makes consistent bad choices (though entertaining) yet she can’t see why the shit always seems to fall her way and so I take my lesson from this episode of Weeds.

It’s you who causes the shit in your life.

You can take a few minds of thought from the karma of life to the simple fact that you create your own happiness or lack thereof. I don’t know why I keep thinking about this but the scene keeps repeating in my mind “You have to know its you right?” I just lost my debit card today which isn’t that big a deal but I’ve done it twice in the last year. It feels like a silly thing to be annoyed with yourself about but for some reason with all this “change” going on in my mind I feel the loss of the debit card for the third time. This third loseyness means that it is definitely my fault each time it has gone missing and therefore the issue is my fault just like everything else in my life and I just realized that sounds incredibly overdramatic. I lost my debit card (again) big deal. Report it missing and get another one. I alredy moved the money to savings so it shouldn’t be of use should someone find it.  Still the lesson is a good one. Anything that is wrong in my life is my doing.  It’d be simple to say my environment, etc. is the reason for certain inadequacies but when I wanted to change some things then I did. I come from a very, very small town with a population of less than a thousand. I now live in one of the largest cities in America.  I hated small town living and so I did everything I could to get out of there. I’d never go back for more than a visit.  I also grew up with certain expectations of myself and well I fucked those off. So why is it when I want to change then I make it happen but the other things I blame on my background and remain stagnant? So that is pretty stupid.

Anyway so yesterday…I did exercise

I climbed that hill of starting an exercise and diet program. I exercised for 38 minutes on the uphill program of my exercise bicycle. It would change intensity every minute as if taunting me to go another minute promising only that it would get harder. Congratulations on completing another minute you are now rewarded with more intensity!

I went to my interview today and I feel it went well. I can’t believe that I typed that because every time someone says that I think “Oh boy it did NOT go well”. I’ve interviewed people for jobs before and every interview went well for them (yup even the guy who brought up the porn website at the end of the interview). I laughed with them when they made jokes and they forcefully laughed when I made my jokes. It is the most awful experience to interview someone looking for the inadequicies in the midst of all the “I’m really excited for a new opportunity” smiles. I am sure many, many times I sent someone out into the world thinking they had a great interview only to pass on them and hire another person.  Still it seemed to go well. We realized we both went to the same university and talked about the ridiculous school mascot.  It was a preliminary interview and this place has a billion background checks to go through so between the fact that I still owe about  $1700 in school loans for a college degree I never finished means who knows. It is kinda funny that people still think that credit scores dictate your work ethic. My work ethic is  truly impressive. My whole life my mother told me that I was lazy so I believed her. It wasn’t until one day that I was completing a shift at my second job to pay for college and I was finally going t home after 16 hours of work that I thought “My mother doesn’t know shit. I have a great work ethic.”

So today I didn’t exericse but writing this blog has officially made me feel about the ridiculous debit card loss of 09.  Tomorrow I need to send out 25 minimum resumes and exercise 45 minutes.   Finally I need to submit some new film specs. Lets see where that goes.